Monday, February 27, 2006

A Winter Olympics That I Could Actually Watch....

"Count me among those who don't care about them and won't watch them. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention."
-- Bryant Gumbel on HBO's "Real Sports"

While I definitely don't agree with Bryant's sentiment about the Winter games. I have to say that at best I'm indifferent about the games in general. At worst, I could give a rat's ass if they cancelled them forever tomorrow.

(An aside on Gumbel: While I don't care for him personally from what I know of him, I do have a tremendous amount of respect for his work over the years. Which leads me to ask this question: where was all this militant outrage about the Winter Games when he was broadcasting for the Networks years ago? Strange how some folks get real H. Rapp all of a sudden when the man isn't paying their checks.)

However if they were able to pull the games from this locale. I would be on the first Star Destroyer available.

A grassroots effort has begun to get the 2014 games on the planet of Hoth. That right. The place where the Empire struck back at the bitch-ass rebellion and had them scampering like little rats. The place where the original Brokeback Cowboy, Luke Skywalker almost met his end until lover Han Solo saved him from a rather frigid demise.

The group who are spearheading the
Hoth in 2014
effort have asked me to spread the word about getting games at the site where the Empire had one of its greatest victories.

Those who resist, well, we know what's in your future...don't we, Lord Vader?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Loose Ends

I was going to write about Curt Gowdy, but opted instead to clarify some of my comments about A-Rod from my last posting.

Some of my infidel friends and readers thought that this was a sign of my defection. That I've somehow lost faith in the power and security that the empire provides. That the last two years of playoff failure have made me want to leave my Emperor and my baseball team. Even several of my Imperial allies have questioned me as to why I've decided to join the A-Rod bash-a-thon.

Trust me, it's not like I woke up one day and said, "Gee, why don't I start taking a virtual dump on Alex." Part of the problem with being a fan of a team and being a member of the fourth estate is that you're privvy to information about your team that the general public isn't in many cases. You hear the good and the bad.

The last thing I expect these guys to be is saints. What I do expect them to be is real. If you're an asshole, fine. If you're one of these born-again cats, that's cool too. Just be you. And in most cases, if you play the game hard and the right way, the fans and the public will for most part embrace you.

Alex plays the game hard and the right way. All these Mets and Red Sox fans who say that they would never take him on their team are phonies...hypocrites of the worst kind. These are the same fugazies that were salivating when there was a possibility of him playing at Shea or Fenway. Their hatred of A-Rod is purely jealousy driven.

Imagine taking Hater-ade with a twist of Red Bull.

But there has been one criticism of Alex that, in my opinion, has stood up to inspection and review. That's that Alex is a poor man's Bill Clinton (at least during his first term). A politician who governs more from opinion polls than the gut. Or in this case, an athlete who bases his decisions more on what is popular with Madison Avenue than what he feels (or rather what we think he thinks) is the right thing to do.

Take the World Baseball Classic. Most baseball fans I know could care less about this tournament. To the contrary, many wish that Bud Selig would cancel it tomorrow. The idea that they're selling this as a tournament to market the game to the world is a farce. When you have position players playing less than half a game and starting pitchers only throwing 60 pitches in a game...that's not a tournament, that's an exhibition. While it's admirable that MLB and the players are trying to sell the game to a larger audience (they should start with the inner-cities in this country) it's doubtful that you're going to get anyone who doesn't already love this game to watch just because Taipei is playing Mexico in the quarters.

This is just an opportunity to market more merchandise to its fans like the NFL does with alternate home jerseys and the NBA does with throwbacks. I've already gotten a dozen solicitations to buy WBC gear.

That's what this is all about. The almighty dollar. Not little leagues in Lillehammer. Soccer is the world's game. Basketball is a distant second. Baseball and Football are American phenomena. You might make a dent in East Asia and Latin America, but that's as far as you're getting.

And that's what pisses me off about A-Rod's indecision. He's a smart guy. Smarter than most of his colleagues. He has to know that this is just a marketing scheme by Bud and company. He lobbied hard to get on the Latin Legends team as a Dominican. Despite the fact that he was born in NYC and spent most of his formative years in the Florida, he got his wish.

So it would make sense that he would play in this tournament as a member of the D.R, right? Open and shut case? Nope.

Instead, we get months of indecision about a tournament that noone cares about. Why? He says that it was a tough decision because of his mult-cultural heritage. But he decided that if he was going to play in this tournament he should do it with the U.S.

Now I'm not going to pretend that I know anything about this man, but why drape yourself in the flag now? Where was this patriotism when you were lobbying to be a Dominican for the Latin Legends? You didn't think about the spot you took away from someone like Dave Concepcion or Luis Aparicio? Two men who are beloved by their countrymen in Venezuela.

He talks about the pressure and how tough a decision it was to make. Tougher than Hideki Matsui's? A-Rod could win three more MVPS and three-peat as a World Series MVP with the Yankees. And he still couldn't begin to be as popular here as Matsui is in Japan. Yet Godzilla decided not to play in the tournament. Like it or not, at least he didn't jerk anyone around.

Personally, I think the only real reason Alex's playing for Old Glory is because of Madison Avenue. I think someone got in his ear and said that he would sell a lot more jerseys with the U.S on the back than the D.R and he decided to flip sides.

Being black, we're used to this sort of behavior. Everyone wants to be us when it means you can drop 80 like Kobe, play like Coltrane and sing like Sarah. But when you have to go hail a cab in midtown or get accepted into a decent condo, they're C.Thomas Howell before the tanning pills.

Money talks, everything else takes the F-fing F.

I'm sure he's not the only one. But he's the only who decided to do Hamlet while deciding (and not even a good one, Derek Jacobi and Mel Gibson put him to shame), so he's the one who gets the grief.

Ozzie Guillen is a loudmouth weasel. Not for what he said about Alex. But for backing off what he said when he started getting a little grief for it. He looked even worse when Alex took the high road and didn't get into pissing match with him. Guillen came off looking like the small, insignificant man he is.

But it doesn't change the fact that what he said had a lot of folks nodding in agreement. Just because the messenger is a whackjob doesn't mean the message is wrong.

Will I root for him, opening day and every day afterward? Absolutely. Is he one of the two or three best players in the game right now? You betcha.

But right now, he's viewed as this generation's Steve Garvey and Gary Carter. Star players, who were respected for their ability by their peers and fans, but disliked by their baseball brethren as well for their love of the camera and their constant polliticking whenever the red light was lit. You never got a feeling of who these guys were because of their cheezy personas on camera. And it was revealed that they were phonies, their reps never recovered.

Hopefully A-Rod will never have go through that. But my feeling is that he should show the people who he truly is or give them nothing at all. If he cares as much about his public persona as we think he does, hopefully he'll realize that spin just makes people dizzy and confused. And usually not to your way of thinking.

The easiest way to stop the chatter by me and everyone else is to win. Nobody will be able say damn thing to you if you accomplish that.

The one thing this country loves is a winner. Just ask Bode Miller.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


I would love to have one off-season where I didn't have to deal dumb stuff like this...And if you don't know why I'm upset, go read another blog. I don't have time for you.

I can't think of a player of his stature in any sport who is this much of a major league tool.

Space cadets like Manny? I can deal with. Curmudgeons and hardasses like Barry Bonds, Sheff, Eddie Murray, Bill Russell and Kareem? No problem. At least you know what you're getting. But a complete tool? That's the worst. Anyone who has a tool as a friend knows how difficult they can be at times. The saying the absolute wrong thing to the wrong person time moments. The goofy trying to be funny but looking like a complete goober moments like the one above. The trying to be all things to all people but instead have everyone hating you moments like the WBC/Ozzie Guillen flap from ealier this week.

Ozzie may be a loudmouth, but he's honest. All he said was what me and probably what a lot of you was thinking about his flip-flopping on what team he should play on. He lobbies to made a part of the Latino Legends team when it seems like the cool thing to be part of, but flip-flops when it's time to pick a team for the WBC. I don't know what guides his morale compass, but he really needs to get it fine tuned.

I want to like the guy. I really do. But he makes it impossible when he's such a tool. I'm so disgusted by that picture that I just threw up in my mouth. ugh....

One good thing came out of the day. Metstradamus wants me dead after my "Tag you're it" posts from earlier in the day. He hates that girly shit....

I've Always Hated The Number 7

K-Bisch has tagged me with another of these damned survey. And since I'm not bright not enough to it goes....

Seven things to do before I Die:

1. Kill Metstradamus
2. Kill the Metsmaster
3. Travel Around The World
4. Own A Home
5. Blow Up Fenway
6. Be at a Yankees' World Series clinching game
7. Piss on Metstradamus' grave

Seven things I cannot do (at the moment):

1. Ignore these damned surveys
2. Quit my job
3. Kill all infidels (too many witnesses)
4. Do laundry without kicking and screaming
5. Get motivated to write everyday
6. Clean my apartment and keep it clean.
7. Win the lottery at will

Seven things that attract me to... a pub:

1. Heineken
2. Guinness
3. Red Stripe
4. Large Breasts
5. Long Legs
6. Good Conversation
7. Direct-TV

Seven things I Say:

1. Get The Fuck Outta Here!!
2. Are You Fucking Kidding Me?
3. Fuck You And Your Whole Family!
4. Death To All Infidels!
5. God Damn Bullpen!
6. I hate you with the fury of a thousand suns
7. Do it for the babies, Jeter!!

Seven books that I love:

1. Boys Of Summer by Roger Kahn
2. 1984 by George Orwell
3. When Pride Still Mattered (Vince Lombardi biography) by David Maraniss
4. Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin
5. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
6. Joe Dimaggio: A Hero's Life by Richard Ben Cramer
7. Flawed Giant: LBJ White House Years by Robert Dallek

Seven Movies that I've loved: (In no particular order):

1. The Godfather Saga (I&II)
2. Blazing Sadles
3. Sixteen Candles
4. The Natural
5. Star Wars Trilogy & Revenge Of The Sit
6. Million Dollar Baby
7. Once Upon A Time In The West

Seven People To Tag (in no particular order) Anybody who reads Metstradamus or would be as annoyed as I was by this....

I've Been Tagged....

I'm in Steven Wright mode this offseason so it's taken while for me to respond to these little ditties from Karen and Erica. So I guess I have to respond, huh?

The Instructions: Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like, then tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative.

Addendum: Five things not involving large amounts of alcohol and a 5'9'' 25 year old woman with a Cola-bottle body and legs made by Olympus.

1) Reading in the park with my MP3 headphones just people watching. Don't get to do this nearly as much I'd like. I plan to rectify this in 2006.

2) Going to a new ballpark and talking baseball with complete strangers.

3) Seeing live music in the city. Big venue, small matter the genre...seeing a good band do their thing live kicks ass.

4) Making Infidel Baseball Fans Cry. An annual rite of passage for every member of the Empire.

5) Football Tailgating. Even if the game sucks, you have something to look forward to.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Didn't home from New Year's partying until 7am and missed a football game that I had tickets for.

2. Did you keep your New year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make resolutions. I'm very comfortable with my flaws.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, I think so....I can't remember right now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What countries did you visit?
Does Atlanta count?

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More meaningless sex and a Yankees World Series title.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None. The whole year was a alcohol-induced blur.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not getting fired.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not killing Metstradamus when I had the chance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing not alcohol-induced.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Dell DJ MP3 player. Until I broke it!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Infidels who haven't crossed over the dark side.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and Blondies.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
This is a family site.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
"Help Yourself" by Tom Jones....because that's exactly what I did. And "Bitch, Please." because that's probably what I told you if you didn't like it...

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Let me get back to you on that one....

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
More time in the gym. Saved more loot.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home.

21. How did I spend New year's?
No comment.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
I fell out.

23. How many one-night stands?

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Six Feet Under and Smallville

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

26. What was the best book you read?
Ladies & Gentlemen, The Bronx is Burning!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jamie Cullum.

28. What did you want and get?
No comment.

29. What was your favorite CD of this year?
Too many to mention. Loving Napster right now though...

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Sin City, Syriana, Revenge OF The Sith and Good Night and Good Luck.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
33 and went to dinner with my soon-to-be ex.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money. More sex.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Mitchell & Ness.

34. What kept you sane?
To quote another Sith Lord..."It's too late for me, my son"

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
George Clooney is cultivating a helluva a career for himself.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Katrina....Nuff Said.

37. Whom do you miss?
Chris Houston. The Redskins suck...but you will be missed.

38. Who was the best new person that you met?
The Imperial Vixens.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
See number 40.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I never sleep...'cause sleep is the cousin of death." And "Don't talk about it, be about it."

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Rebellion Attempts To Poison Their Youth

It looks as if the Jim Jones contingent has infected Red Sox Nation....

The Lowell Spinners minor league baseball team has launched a campaign to eliminate the Yankees at least in youth baseball leagues across New England.
The team says that if the leagues change the name of their Yankees teams to the Spinners, the Lowell team will pay for new uniforms. The Spinners are a Class A affiliate of the Boston Red Sox, archrival of the New York Yankees.
In a message on the Spinners' Web site, General Manager Tim Bawmann said many children in New England are devastated when they are assigned to be on a team called the Yankees.
``When you are a kid playing baseball it is pure fun, and worrying about what team you are on should be the least of your concerns,'' he said.
``We figured the easiest and best solution was to replace those Yankee teams with the Spinners, who are part of the Boston Red Sox system,'' he added, calling the promotion ``all in good fun.''
As part of the deal, any team changing its name to the Spinners also will be invited to play on their namesake's field before a game this summer.
According to the Spinners, about half of New England's youth baseball leagues have teams called the Yankees. The rest eliminated the name as the rivalry between their grown-up counterparts became more intense and heated in recent years.
John Goode, the Spinners' director of corporate communications, said more than 20 communities have contacted the team about the name-change idea. The plan already has the approval of the Methuen Instructional League, Methuen West Little League, the Chelmsford Little League and Tewksbury Youth Baseball.
Andover Little League President Sean Hoffman said some people balk at being assigned to the Yankees as either a player or coach. He said he plans to bring the Spinners' promotion before the league's board.
But in the Spinners' hometown of Lowell, Yankee haters and Yankee lovers had to strike a compromise. This week, they agreed to rename just two of the league's four Yankees teams T-ball and girls softball. The Little League and minor-league Yankees will keep the name.
Highlands Little League President John Romano says there are still Yankee fans in area. Besides, the league's Yankees have won the city tournament three of the last four years.

Funny that the Yankee team has been kicking ass over the last couple of years. The power of Dark Side can even be felt in New England Little Leagues!! It's a shame this children don't realize that by being given the name Yankees, that they're being touched by the hands of the baseball gods.

I guess some folks just like being trash. You can take the infidel out of the nation but you can't take the nation out the infidel I suppose.

Looks like there's only solution to this problem......

Pitchers and Catchers have reported!!! Get ready to bow down beyotches!!!!!!