Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Random Rantings

Evil Empire 9, Ryan Howard 7

I might have done a Frank Pentangeli if that kid hit another homer in the ninth. I can't see this kid not hitting 50 plus homers in the not too distant future. With that park and that swing, he has huge star written all over him. Unreal.

Philly's had a spotty history when it comes to embracing baseball and its stars. Mike Schmidt, Dick Allen, Scott Rolen...all of them had their problems with this city. I hope they get on this kid's bandwagon in a big way. He's a lousy fielder, a better fielder gloves Melky's single in the ninth, but that's why he's playing first base. He'll win a lot more games with his bat than he'll lose with his glove.

Strangely enough, all the buzz that I hear out of the 215 isn't over their stud first baseman. It's over Aaron Rowand who has a fetish for outfield walls. Or their uberkind southpaw Cole Hamels who's pitching tonight.

Here's an example of how nuts they are over this kid....

Kanye West almost needed to pay Cole Hamels royaties to release that "Jesus Walks" song, but Cole let it go, because he doesn't walk anyone so it couldn't really be about him.

Cole Hamels will win 1 Cy Young... and 11 Cole Hamels.

You can't divide by zero, but Cole Hamels can.
Cole found Waldo and Carmen San Diego, and then struck them out to retire the side.
Cole Hamels once struck a man out looking. Literally. Cole just gazed at him and the batter was retired on strikes.
Cole Hamels invented syphillis to rid the world of Mets fans.
Cole could have convicted O.J.
Cole Hamels struck out Eric Lindros' mom, Eric Lindros' dad and Eric Lindros.
Cole Hamels beat Contra without losing a life.
Cole Hamels will walk batters just so he can pick them off before the next pitch. Then he will run over to them as they walk back to the dugout, whisper something to them and make them cry and leave the game. In the locker room after the game, reporters will ask those players what Cole said to them, and they will cry again and run to the off-limits-to-media trainer's room to get away from the reporters. And because it was Cole Hamels that made them cry, they will not be considered sissies but mere mortals. Reporters and fans will refuse to condemn those crying players but instead will say a silent prayer thanking God that He never answered their prayers to become baseball players themselves since they might have had to face Cole.

Cole Hamels didn’t need to go to college, because he already has a Doctorate in K’s from the University of Domination.
Cole Hamels gave Stuart Scott his lazy eye.
A Federal Law was passed when Cole signed with the Phillies that states if the Phillies should attempt to trade Cole to the Mets, Cole will be legally permitted to kill the entire Philadelphia front office, the entire New York front office, and everyone who knows John Smoltz's lifetime ERA.

A picture of Angelina Jolie's and Brad Pitt's child is reportedly worth $75,000. A picture of Cole and Angelina conceiving this child while Brad happily watches is worth $5 billion.

When Cole was born, he beaned the doctor with a fastball, made out with the nurse, and struck his father out in two pitches!

Wow, how low have the standards in Philly fallen. All you have to do to become a folk hero is win a game and have sub-five ERA. Steve Carlton. where are you?

Nice job, btw, by Phillies fans for not letting the Yankee fans take over their stadium like they let the Mets earlier in the season. It's still a second-rate baseball town. But at least you saw as much Red and white in the stands as Navy Blue.

I'm tired of all these lame excuses I hear from the Illadelphi about why people don't support the team. Yeah, they've had their fair share of heartache. But they have a beautiful park and a competitive team. There's no excuse as to why a division foe's fans can come into your house and make it sound like Shea South.

It's not as if the Mets are the Cardinals. They're nine games up and they can't draw 40,000 against the Reds last night. Weak Philly. Very weak.

Before you complain about injuries Yankees fans take a look at this story came over the AP today.....

The Boston Red Sox, beset by injuries to starting pitchers, obtained right-hander Jason Johnson on Wednesday one day after he was designated for assignment by the Cleveland Indians.
The Red Sox gave up a player to be named or cash for the struggling pitcher, who is 1-8 with a 7.38 ERA in his last 10 starts. Johnson, signed in the offseason after two years with Detroit, is 3-8 this season and has allowed 10 homers and 108 hits in 77 innings.
The Indians will pay most of his $3.5 million salary for this season. He had a one-year contract which had mutual options for either party to get out of it in 2007.
Three Red Sox starters righty Matt Clement and lefties David Wells and Lenny DiNardo are on the disabled list.
Kyle Snyder, obtained on waivers from Kansas City, made his first start for Boston on Monday in a 6-3 win over Washington and was optioned to Triple-A Pawtucket after Tuesday night's game, opening a roster spot for Johnson.
Rookie Jon Lester was scheduled to make his third start for the Red Sox on Wednesday night.
Boston has days off Thursday and Monday and was expected to go with four starters Lester, Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett, Tim Wakefield through the end of June.
Johnson, 32, has pitched at least 189 innings on four of his last five seasons. He has a 5.89 ERA this season and a 4.95 ERA and a 55-94 record for his career.
He and righty Paul Byrd were signed as free agents before the season to help make up for the loss of Kevin Millwood, who signed with Texas. But Johnson was ineffective again Monday when he allowed two homers in a 12-8 loss to the Chicago Cubs.
Johnson, a good ground-ball pitcher, reached the majors in 1997 with Pittsburgh where he worked in three games. He spent the next season with Tampa Bay, making 13 starts with a 2-5 record. After five seasons in Baltimore, he went to Detroit in 2004.
He was 8-15 with a 5.13 ERA that season and 8-13 with a 4.54 ERA last year when he pitched a career high 210 innings.

So the next time you want to whine about injuries, don't be surprised if the Sox fan pops you in the mouth. You should behead him for his insolence however.


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