Saturday, April 22, 2006

I Hate Tourists

I'll get to last night's game in a minute. But I'd gladly trade not drawing four million fans ever again if it meant that we could get rid of all these tourists posing as baseball fans who have been infiltrating my stadium over the last couple of years.

I know George would probably choke on his burger if he read this, but I'm not the only one who feels this way.

How can I mock Mets fans with a clear conscience when these infidels are doing the wave in my beloved Death Star with the Yankees down a run in the ninth? When they're booing A-Rod (who knocked in the go-ahead run earlier in the game...that Wang quickly gave up in the next frame) for striking out in the ninth?

I wish there was a exterminator that could handle 10,000 poseurs at one time. Between them and the pink Yankee hats. Anybody wearing a pink hat who's older than seven should be take to Macombs Dam Park and shot.

The only saving grace for me last nightwas hooking up with fellow fans, the Imperial Vixens and the Friday Night Posse during the game.

I hung out with the vixens for the first three innings in their new digs in rightfield. They expressed quite a bit of concern for my apparent Fantasy addiction. They warned me that if I didn't shape up, that an intervention was in order.

"We've lost too many guy friends to fantasy sports", they warned, "Watch yourself."

Consider myself warned.

I then wandered over to my own seats and was warmly greated by the Friday night posse. I've known these guys for five years and they're absolutely nuts. They make me look sane and that's saying something. But despite the Frat-house nature that the section takes on when they're around (Jump up and down is a common refrain in our section whenever a well-endowed woman walks by)you're amazed by how astute they are as fans. I have some of my best baseball conversations with them. Even when I disagree with everything they say (like Johnny G's assertion that Joe Torre isn't a good manager) you at least get the sense that they're paying attention. That this is a fan that's watching the games as attentively as you are, even if he comes to a different conclusion.

Example: My buddy Bay Ridge Pat and I were having a discussion about some of the players at the end of a game.

We disagreed on Johnny Damon. He hates the signing (I think I just threw up in my mouth was what he wrote in an email the day of the signing), still won't say his name...refers to him as "the asshole playing centerfield for the Yankees." He would have been cool with a platoon situation of some sort this year and going after Andruw Jones or Torii Hunter at the end of this season. He sites his lack of a throwing arm and Red Sox pedigree as the reasons for holding off. He also thinks that Jeter is a better leadoff hitter. If we have to have Damon, he said, they should still bat Jeter leadoff and Damon second. That way you have a righty-lefty-righty switchoff at the top of the lineup. He also hates Damon's metro-sexual tendencies. "He's got a Rachel haircut! What am I watching? The Yankees or Friends?"

Personally, I think the signing was a good one. I think Damon's presence in the lineup is a big part of the increased patience at the plate we're seeing throughout the lineup. He's taking pitches and letting the rest of the lineup see what the pitcher has working. Is Jeter a better hitter than Damon? Yes. But I think Damon approach is what makes him special. You also see the Yankees playing small ball a little more and having his speed and versatility at the top of the lineup is helping that effort.

He's not as good a player as either Hunter or Jones. And he's older than both of them. But he still has decent range in center and is a good stolen base threat. And you know that playing on the big stage isn't going to faze him. Something you don't know about someone playing in Atlanta and Minnesota. Plus, who's to say that those two would want to put up with the drama of playing here, dealing with the media and fans? Personally, I think he's a better fit for this team as its constructed. But that's just me. If we get three good years out of him, I'm happy.

Jorge Posada was a player that did we agreed on. Neither of us are fans of his. We both agree that the Yankees would be better served if they found another player to be our primary catcher. But that's a another blog posting altogether.

On other topics of interest. Pat and I both agree that Roger Toussaint should serve six months in Gen-Pop at Rykers Island wearing a pink-tu-tu and fishnets for taking the transit union on strike. We also agree that Shawshank Redemption should have beaten Forrest Gump for Best Picture in 1994.

Onto the game. After watching the O's pummel sinkerballer Jake Westbrook of the Indians on Wednesday, I had a sinking feeling that Wang might have his hands full Friday (no pun intended).

Turns out, they score just enough to get Anna...I mean, Kris Benson a win in his return to New York.

Wang battled, but he had little control over his sinker on a chilly night at the Death Star. Sturtze and the bullpen did a good job of keeping the game within reach, but Baltimore was able to hold on thanks to some shaky umpiring.

Chris Ray has nasty stuff but his called strikeout on Matsui to end the game was a joke. That pitch was at least six inches outside. It was apparent to us in the upper deck and every angle that I saw in the postgame back us up. I'm tired of these activist umpires trying to impact games. You never know what you're going to get from game to game. Some days, the officiating is seemless. Others, you're wondering how the hell the ump from your brother's little league game got to the majors.

Note to the Vixens: I think I might need that intervention. This morning, one of the first things I did was to see if Chris Ray was available in any of these leagues. He was in one, but I couldn't think of anyone to cut for him. Help me, please!!!


Blogger Janna said...

Here, wear an anti-tourist t-shirt and piss the tourists off :) .

6:34 AM  
Blogger Darth Marc said...

I love these!!!

4:16 PM  

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