Friday, September 30, 2005

The Beginning Of The End

You knew that they wouldn't make it easy....

They couldn't just lay down and die and make it easy for us. This is the sort of evil that can't be vanquished with a bullet to the head. No, this is a Jason/Michael Myers type evil. You cut the head off, cremate the body and put the head in a wood chipper. This is the sort of evil that doesn't die easily...if ever.

How I hate this team. I hate them with the heat of a thousand suns.... No that's not strong enough. I...I just spent the last two minutes trying to describe my hate and couldn't do it. No words can describe it.

If someone told me, you could me that you could look into the future and win the largest MegaMillions jackpot ever or beat the Red Sox this weekend....I'd have to really think about it for a minute before...picking the jackpot. I'm crazed with hate. But I'd rather be crazed with hate and rich.

Ok....This is how crazed with hate I am. An infidel sent me the song "Tessie" by Dropkick Murphys. It's a Irish drinking metal song that's become an anthem for them. The song opens up "The Boston Red Sox are the World Series Champions for the first time in 86 years." I had a seizure. Seriously, I went into convulsions and had to stick a pen in my mouth so I didn't swallow my tongue.

I also listened to the song, “Dirty Water” by the Standells several times. Each time I listened to this cute, catchy Stones-esque tribute to the Charles River and the city of Boston...blood poured from my ears and my nose. Why? Because to a true Yankee fan, that song is like a dog whistle is to your Golden Retriever. It’s what the communists play after every home win. It’s their “New York, New York” by Sinatra if such a comparison can be made.

Before I get into why I performed such a Luther-esque act of masochism...I need to say this...New England seriously needs some black or hispanic folk living up there if this is the best that they could come up with for anthems. And I mean besides the players and the guys who park the cars. I mean goddamn...get New Edition to do something for you or something. They're from Roxbury, I'm sure they'll hook you up.

But torturing myself in this way is a reminder of why they can’t ever be allowed to win again. Ever. The idea that we have to subjected to their silly drinking songs and their fans ever again, with their obnoxious parade and their “Jeter is playing golf” posters is a fate too painful for me to contemplate.

I have to live with the hate. Fester it. Nurture it. That way when I think about holding back on calling an female infidel an evil skank because she's being obnoxious and putting the fear of god into her and her boyfriend....I remember why I'm doing it. I remember the hate.

And the hate makes it all better....

We have to remember what they are, as if anyone can forget. They are evil. They are scum. They are the dog feces under your shoe. They have to lose. They have to lose to bring balance back to the force. To make it safe for members of the Empire to walk down the street again wearing the Imperial Blue with the interlocking NY.



We have to do this....for the babies. Yankees babies everywhere....Do it for the babies, Jeter!!!

This series is going to come down to what it always comes down to....pitching. The Yankees have Chien-Ming Wang, Randy Johnson and Mike Mussina going for them this weekend. The Red Sox have David Wells, TimWakefield and Curt Schilling. All of them with the excepting of Wang are proven playoff performers. Big-time money pitchers. However with Mussina non-performance Tuesday and Schilling’s very mediocre outing, the final game might come down to whose bullpen doesn’t hemmorhage runs.

Mike Timlin has been ok as the Sox closer and the kids Jon Papelbon and Craig Hansen have the best arms of a very shaky unit. While Mariano Rivera has people talking Cy Young for the future Hall of Famer and Tom Gordon has been very solid as his set-up man. With his balky shoulder, you never know what you’re going to get out of Tanyon Sturtze and the rest of the bullpen is hardly worth mentioning.

The offenses are carbon-copies of each other. A-Rod and David Ortiz are both having MVP caliber years. Manny Ramirez and Gary Sheffield would also be considered viable candidates if not for their teammates. The player that Boston can’t counter New York with is Hideki Matsui. He has 20+ homers and over 110 RBI’s, hitting close to .300. He along with a healthy Jason Giambi could give the Bombers a slight advantage over Boston. Whether the Yankee pitching will be good enough to hold the Boston bats at bay is another story.

The series could come down to, three of the old guard. Jeter, Bernie (in possibly his last hurrah) and Posada have all been swinging well of late. With Johnny Damon and Trot Nixon banged up a bit, they might be able to give the Bombers enough to overtake Boston finally.

So who I think will win? I have no friggin ideas. These teams are so evenly matched, so evenly flawed, that anyone who says that they know for certain who’s going to previal would be lying. Whatever the outcome, I know this for sure...It’s going to be very long, miserable winter for whoever loses. Make sure you hide all sharp objects from your friends.

Speaking for Yankee fans everywhere, I can’t got through another winter like 2004. I just can’t. The curse is over, they got their ring. Fine. Time for baseball to go back to the natural order of things. No more parades on the River Charles. No More Dirty Water. Time to start singing Blues Eyes....

3 Comments:

Blogger Kat said...

Great Post DM.. You speak for all Yankee fans who HATE the Red Sux. Me included. Recently a friend of mine asked me what sports franchises I hate the most. I looked at her like she had 9 heads.. I thought to myself. Um, how long have you known me now? That must be the dumbest question you ever frigg'n asked me!!! So then I replied "DUH!! The fuck'n red sox of course"... Then she asked "you still hate them"? I replied "Still? c'mon! now and forever"!!! Other franchises on my doodoo list? Jets second, Mets third, Dallas Cowboys fourth, NJ Nets fifth, Pats sixth, LA Lakers seventh, Philly Eagles eighth, Altanta Braves ninth, Washington Redskins tenth.

Have a great weekend,. My bitten fingernails and I will be watching.

5:22 AM  
Blogger Darth Marc said...

Here's my hate list

1)Red Sox
2)Dook
3)Cowboys
4)Eagles
5)Mets
6)Indians
7)49ers
8)Lakers
9)Celtics
10)Heat
11)Pacers
12)Orioles
13)Angels

9:07 AM  
Blogger Darth Marc said...

Oh can't forget Florida State...

9:07 AM  

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