AL Predictions

After watching Boogie Nights Sunday morning, I decided to have a fat Southern girl afternoon before the NCAA games started.

Eating ice cream, drinking sweet tea and watching Gone With The Wind.

Believe it or not, as big a fan as I am of the Silver Screen, I've never seen the movie considered one of the greatest in the history of film. And if you've ever met or seen me, the reasons should be obvious. So going in, I had no idea what to expect from the celluloid adaptation of Margaret Mitchell's masterpiece.

But I got to the intermission (the movie's almost four hours)pleasantly surprised. I'm enjoying the movie immensely. However, the reason's for my glee are a little different than a debutantte from Savannah's.

First off, Rhett Butler is a straight pimp. Clark Gable was the man.

While obviously he couldn't say "Bitch, say another word and I'll put my foot in your ass" or "Scarlett, you need some good d**k in your life." But he did express those sentiments in a Southern gentleman sort of way on several occasions. And when he had had enough of her drama, he said "I'm out...I'm done...Peace." Despite the fact that she finally realized that she was living a fantasy and pushed away the man who loved her. Good stuff.

But my favorite part of the movie was the suffering of all of those arrogant Southern slave owners. How they were stripped of everything. How the women had to read the death lists to see if their husbands, sons and brothers were killed. How they had watch the carpetbaggers jack all their land. And how they said those two sweet words to describe those who were responsible for their defeat and humiliation.

"Damn Yankees!"

Personally, I think the war would have ended a lot quicker if Palpatine was President rather than Lincoln.

Here's what President Palpatine would have told them at the beginning of the war.

Here's what he would have told them after Gettysburg.

And here's what he would have said to Jefferson Davis as he surrendered.

Not exactly the Gettysburg Address, but he gets the point across.

The war would have ended in a year had the Sith been running things, trust me. And Scarlett would have been in Darth Marc's harem. Back talk would have been met with a lightning bolt in the ass or me putting her in a force chokehold, the first time she called me a Darkie.

Oh well, I can only dream.

Let's talk some baseball. Here are my predictions for the 2006 season....

AL East
1)Yankees 101-61
2)Red Sox 92-70
3)Blue Jays 86-76
4)Orioles 75-87
5)Devil Rays 72-90

I think the Yankees will flirt with 1,000 runs scored barring any major injuries, but they will live and die by their pitching. Big Unit and Chacon (that's right, Chacon) will be the anchors of the staff, but Moose will need to rebound from a mediocre 2005 and Wang will have to have a solid sophomore year for the team to thrive. What we get from Pavano and Wright is anyone's guess. I think Carl will have a decent year, while Wright will be the long relief and mop-up guy. He'll be traded before the year's out. Our bullpen will be a strength this year and I expect big things from Farnsworth. The Red Sox will be dangerous and threaten for the division for most of the season. But I think placing all their faith in two 40 year olds and a flamethrower who has never pitched 200 innings will be their downfall. They are a much better club defensively, but they've lost some of their explosiveness. The Jays are much improved with additions such as Burnett, Ryan and Glaus. But they are awful defensively outside of Wells. Having Doc Halladay back will help but they are still a year away and a player or two from contending for the division. They'll make it interesting until late July, early August. After that, who knows? The Orioles are a mess. They can hit but their pitching situation is beyond awful. If Leo Mazzone is able to fix that mess, it'll be his best fix-it job ever. The Rays can hit and run. But outside of Kazmir, they have nary a pitcher worth mentioning. And they stink defensively. Expect a lot of 10-7 games in the Tropicana Dome.

AL Central
1)White Sox 100-62
2)Indians 90-72
3)Twins 88-74
4)Tigers 81-81
5)Royals 65-97

The White Sox are loaded and ready for another run to defend their title. They lost their best defensive player in Rowand but they might have gained a bopper worth fearing in Jim Thome. If he's healthy, he'll make everyone in that lineup better. This is a team with Javy Vasquez as their fifth starter and a very deep bullpen. It's their title to lose. The Tribe will make noise but I think they still need some more pitching to get over the hump. Whether they can trade for an arm either in the bullpen or in the rotation will be the deciding factor on whether they can grab the wildcard from Boston. If the Tribe had the Twins starters, they'd win the wildcard and quite possible the division. As it stands now, the Twinkies have the same problem they've had the last several years; not enough pop in their lineup to go along with their outstanding pitching and defense. They'll fall short once again. Jim Leyland will start the Tigers on the road back to respectability. That along with Jeremy Bonderman's arm and the Tigers offense. The Royals? What can I say about them that wouldn't constitute piling on? Zack Greinke will show flashes of brilliance. That good enough?

AL West
1)Angels 96-66
2)A's 90-72
3)Rangers 83-79
4)Mariners 81-81

If I wasn't a member of the Empire, I'd seriously consider becoming a Halos fan. I love the way they play ball. They pitch, get timely hits, run and play solid defense. I love their manager (although sometimes he has Bobby V disease at times and outthinks himself) and their owner is great for the game (although the LA Angels of Anaheim is a little annoying, you have to admire the fact that he's announced to Dodger nation that the battle for SoCal supremacy is on). If they had one more big bopper to protect Vlad Guererro, I'd make them the favorites to win the whole thing. The A's pitching will keep them competitive, but the inability to get offense(Frank Thomas? Are you kidding me? He'll break down before the All-Star break) will cost them the division and the wildcard. Zito is gone if they're more than 6 games out of the playoff hunt by the trade deadline. The Rangers will be a little better with the pitching additions, but I don't think they'll ever win in that park. The gulf streams during the summer make it hard to pitch there for 81 games. And don't think that free agent hurlers don't know this. The Mariners will be a little better. But not enough to contend.

Next...MY NL PREDICTIONS....