Wednesday, September 07, 2005

How Do You Sicken Thee? Let Me Count The Ways

A traitor is in our midst. And it shouldn't surprise us one bit. Losing has made him sell his soul.

This shouldn't surprise us, since Lou Piniella teams have always given the Yankees fits in the past. But that's when they had guys like Ken Griffey and Edgar Martinez...and current Yankees A-Rod and Randy Johnson.

Back then, they were world-beaters. Now they only play World-Beaters on YES when they play the Yankees!

Lou must have Andy Roddick's Mojo and a few others...because A-Rod struck out three times and Little Unit couldn't get out of the seventh inning last night!!!

Just an all around shitty night at the Stadium. Not only do we lose the season series for the first time ever to the D-Rays. We lose a game in the standings to the Sux as Big Papi plays He-Man at Castle Grayskull. Plus, we lose a game to the Indians who are a half game back in the wild-card standings. And you guys how much want how much for playoff tickets???

I am so sick of this team looking like the 1982 Cardinals against us. Stealing at will. Going first to third with ease. Just drives me nuts.

Well, if we do lose out to Infidel Nation, at least we know why. Lou Piniella has joined the Rebellion. He is a paid assassin of Infidel Nation. Larry Lucchino got to him. In the past, Lou's team always gave the Infidels fits. Throwing at them, getting into bench-clearing brawls. Just like Lou and Pudge Fisk in the 1970's. Now, they only get token resistance from the Rays. They'll go up 6-0, only to lose 7-6. Lose heartbreakers in the ninth inning. He talks a good game but we know the truth. They save the real fun for us.

How many coins of silver did it take for you to betray the Empire, Louis? Your Emperor? Did Larry tell you, that if you do this, you'll cause a chain of events that will get you out of Tampa, get Torre fired and get you back to the Bronx? Did he tell you that? Is that what he promised? Your return ticket home, if you cost us the division and possibly the playoffs?


But you thought wrong. Beating us with the Mariners was one thing. Those teams were talented and you seemed to be playing fairly. You didn't use your knowledge of the Dark Side of the Force skewer things. You let things play out fairly as you should have.

You are clearly using your powers for evil and it has to stop now. How else do you explain Randy Johnson cruising for three innings, then burping up two runs in the fourth? Bernie and Giambi getting thrown out trying to advance a base in the same inning? Cano's burp in ninth? Jeter swinging at the first goddamn pitch in the ninth and grounding into a game-ending double-play? Human error? Bullshit.

You're using your powers for evil, Louis. And we're going to put a stop to this tonight. It took a little while to realize what you're up to. We thought we just had your team relishing the role of spoiler. No, it's far more ominous than that.

You think this will bring you back to paradise? Getting Torre fired and taking his job. No, by letting you back, we'll allow the infidel poison into the fold. It'll spread like a cancer and the unthinkable will happen.

The Death Star will explode, the Emperor and the Imperial Council will die and the Empire will crumble.

We're on to your little plan, Louis. And we're going to make sure you stay in baseball hell. We're going to win the division and the whole ball of wax in spite of your wicked ways. You're going to be out of a job and we're going to have a parade down the Canyon of Heroes. And then Bobba Fett is going to come your home in the middle of the night...and kill you.

Enjoy last night, infidel. Your end is at hand.


Blogger FenwayParked said...

Dear Darth,
Thought you might enjoy these numbers from last night's win by the WORLD CHAMPION BOSTON RED SOX over a real playoff team.

David Ortiz' walk off home run
traveled an estimated 457 feet, marking the longest homer hit at Fenway this season.

Ortiz's solo shot left the bat at 122.5 miles per hour, also the highest speed following impact of any ball hit in Boston in 2005.

In flight, the ball peaked at 120 feet in the air.

And you're angry about Lou Pinella? Remember Manny was up next.

See you this weekend.

12:36 AM  
Blogger Darth Marc said...

Since I turned my word verification on...I'm really surprised that you're able to post since you're clearly illiterate...I'll see you rot in hell, infidel...

2:48 AM  
Blogger Uncle Buck said...

bash him now, but you know Lou will be the skipper of the Yankoffs in 2006

6:05 AM  

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