Saturday, September 10, 2005

The Return Of Curtistopheles

So Satan decided to nurse his only son back to health in time for the Yankees game today. After watching his favorite team get their wig split last night, the Prince of Darkness gave a boost to Infidel Nation as Shawn Chacon and the Bombers get pummelled 9-2.

After the game, God called to apologized to the Emperor and Yankees fans everywhere for being an absentee landlord over the last couple of years. He admittedly has been distracted with several galactic wars in the Andromeda and on the other side of the Milky Way. He also spent much of the afternoon trying to figure out how the leader of the Free World could abandon hundreds of thousands of his own citizens in the face of a natural disaster. And how said leader with an IQ of about negative 28 got into power in the first place.

When asked about the 2000 election and what happened in last year's ALCS, the Almighty had no comment except to threaten to turn me into a Haley Joel Osment blowdoll and mail me to Michael Jackson if I continued this line of questionong.

The Almighty, however, said that he's still a Yankee fan and that he promised to monitoring tomorrow's game to prevent any other foulplay by Lucifer.

And if anyone is in doubt that Lucifer's favorite president dropped the ball in the Gulf this and this and tell me otherwise.

Back to baseball, a couple of points about today's loss.

Schilling was sharp today. Very sharp. But today shows how not having Sheff in our lineup today hurts us. Not saying that the Anti-Christ wouldn't have pitched well today. But having Sheff in the three spot in our lineup gives us an offensive advantage very few clubs can come close to matching. The three spot in a lineup is designated for the best all-around hitter and toughest out. And there are very few number three hitters as scary as Sheff. His presence gives us the best 3 to 6 hitters in the game, which reverberates through the entire lineup. Everyone gets better pitches to hit.

He also has an extra ommph in his step when he plays Boston. An energy and swagger that is contagious. He revels in these games with Infidel Nation. A-Rod is starting to show that too, but he doesn't have the same "Fuck You, I'm gonna kick your ass, fuck your girlfriend, make her love me and live in your house" attitude.

If I were to compare the two, it would be like comparing a brilliant, talented Ivy Leaguer to a Street Kid. Both might have equal amounts of ability and determination. But go about their business very differently. The Ivy Leaguer will clinically pick you apart while the Street Urchin will beat you up and piss on your remains. The result is the same but the way others react to it, you'd think there were two dramatically different outcomes. And because most athletes are closer in persona to the Street Kid than the Ivy Leaguer, they're probably going to more drawn to the former's energy than the latter.

The Yankees need that if they're going to overtake Boston. Not to say Schilling wouldn't have pitched just as well, but having Sheff in their would have made it a lot harder.

The Red Sox are straight gangsta in their approach. And I mean that as a compliment. They aren't the most skilled bunch. But what they do, they do better than anyone else. And that's beat up pitchers who make mistakes around the plate. You can't keep give them extra outs like we did today. We should have been out the third 3-0, but Felix Rodriguez's bad throw to home, Matsui's gaffe and Cano's throw into the stands put the game out of reach. Particularly with the way Schilling was throwing the baseball.

Speaking of Cano, this kid needs to take his ritalin or something before the game. That's the third error he's made in a game in this week that has extended an inninng and cost us runs. Looking at Trot Nixon's slide into second, Cano should have been make that throw to first without a problem Yeah, he was coming down hard, but a major leaguer has to make that play. Womack or Bellhorn make that play.

Did Womack fuck Torre's daughter or something? Why isn't Torre playing him at second when Cano has the night off? Yes, Bellhorn is a switchhitter, and has some pop, but Womack doesn't strike out nearly as much and has the added element of speed. Yes, Cano is the future, but if he's not getting it done, why not let Womack get a go? I know Torre's big picture and maybe he doesn't want to screw with Cano's psyche because he's the 2B of the future. But, he cannot stay in the game if he keeps making costly errors like this. Womack can potentially be a valuable tool off the bench, if Torre decides to utilize him. Cano needs to realize that if he wants to stay employed with the Yankees, his concentration can't waver like it has in crucial parts of the game

Torre needs to show some of the same tough love to Cano that he has to Bernie. It's human to play favorites and Torre is no different. But if this season is lost because of a rookie's error, right or wrong, Torre might feel George's wrath. And he'll have noone to blame but himself.

Time for the Unit to be the Unit. No more excuses. Chacon had a burp today and I'm willing to give him a pass because he's been pretty good for the most part. No more passes for Randy. This is where he has to become our ace. The Yanks have hit Arroyo well in the past, so he should get more run support than Shawn did. But Johnson has pull the trigger and keep us in the race. If we go down five games with 20 to play, kiss the division goodbye. We'll be in wildcard mode. If we're to have any chance to win our eighth straight division title, we have to win tomorrow.

Hopefully God will keep his promise....

Editor's Correction: Wakefield pitches Sunday, not Arroyo. Ugh......


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