Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Dell DJ Morning Odyssey

I made one of the worst mistakes of my life on Monday. I forgot my Dell DJ at home. It didn't kill me at the gym. But it meant that I had to deal every banal conversation within earshot on the subway, the horrible Jehovah's Witnesses singing outside of my train stop and the old bat who insisted on reading over my shoulder..telling me that she can't read the words in my book because she's near-sighted and just being an all-around pain in the ass.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I generally have a great deal of respect for my elders. But if my train stop hadn't come up when it did, I was this close to throwing her a major league/Ike Turner style beating.

The only thing that made my day from hell bearable was my beloved Dell DJ. It enables to me to fight the forces of stupidity that can make this city seem like Mt. Doom. So to protect myself, I made sure that I was armed with my tunes for the day's commute.

I put my Rock/Pop section on shuffle and I was ready to go. One note on the shuffle; it can be a little disconcerting going from Jeff Buckley to Herb Albert to the Clash to Carly Simon to Prince to Metallica to the Carpenters. But anything's better than listening to two women talking about their support hose and their bowel movements (true story). I wanted to gnaw off my arm and beat myself to death with it.

Walking to the gym, John Mayer's "Daughters" came on. Great song. It's the sort of song that if done wrong, can off as some syrupy ballad that some jackass wrote to get laid. As it stands, Mayer probably gets more ass than a toilet seat because of that song and "Your Body's A Wonderland". But I don't begrudge him for it. It's not like my Red Soxesque hatred for Babyface, who wrote a song about 15 years ago called "Soon As I Get Home From Work." The chorus of the song will tell you why I feel Mr Edmonds should die a very painful death; It goes "I'll pay your rent, I'll buy your clothes, I'll cook your dinner too....Soon as I get home from work." What?????? He set the neanderthal movement back 200 years by writing that song. As a result, poor schmucks everywhere had to answer questions from their dumbass girlfriends about why they couldn't pay their bills. He should have his nuts stabbed with a rusty screwdriver.

The "NYC, I don't give a damn how gay I look, I'm doing it anyway" moment of the day. The Gym's desk attendant had a 80's R&B/Dance CD on and Wham's "Everything She Wants" came on. That was the jam back in the day and anybody who fronts and acts like they didn't like George Michael is full of s**t. The funniest sight you'll ever see is several, very straight, very muscular black guys (me included) singing along with the chorus..."Somebody tell me, Why I work so hard for youuuu! To give you money! Oh!! To give you money! Hey" and "And now you're telling me that you're having my baby...I'll tell you that I'm happy if you want me to. One step further and my back will break...and if my best isn't good enough...then how can it be good enough for two?"

That's one of the best baby-daddy lines ever. A line every guy, single or married can relate to. Gay or straight, George Michael was the man in 80's. One of the best Blue-Eye soul singers ever. Good music is good music. And Wham was great 80's pop. If liking them makes me gay...well then call me Darth Lyle. And then I'll kick your ass.

I used to make fun of god-sister for having George Michael and John Stamos posters on her wall. 20 years later, I guess the joke's on me.


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